The text below was published in the May 22, 2004 issue of the Dayton Daily News.

Marriage Builders Ministry helps troubled couples improve their relationships
 by Khalid Moss, Dayton Daily News Religion Editor

    Voltaire wrote, "Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly," and David Meurer, author of Daze of Our Wives,
once said, "A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together.  It is when an imperfect couple learns to
enjoy their differences." 
    The point is, everyone, whether they are married, were married or want to be married, has an opinion on marriage.
    The fact is, lives change, fireworks start and wills may be severely tested when two are joined in holy matrimony.
    Fortunately for some marrieds, Christian Life Center, 3489 Little York Road, Butler Township, has a ministry that
extends a safety net to couples going through tough times in their long-term relationships.
    Christian Life Center's Marriage Builders Ministry has 33 mentor couples who have worked with more than 270
couples in the program's six years.  Fifteen husband and wife teams help engaged couples prepare for marriage; the
other 18 help those in troubled marriages identify and mend their problems.
    Dick & Carol Cronk of Butler Township are co-directors of CLC's Marriage Builders Ministry, which they profess
was influenced by the Mike McManus book, Marriage Savers.
Personal Experience
    Dick Cronk, a retired aerospace engineer at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, said their ministry sprouted following
days when storm clouds were gathering in their marriage.
    "We had gone through a crisis in our own marriage," he said.  "We got help from family and friends, but in 1993 we
went to a marriage-encounter session that totally transformed our marriage.  We eventually became a presenter couple
at marriage encounter retreats to give back for the blessings we had received."
    Although the goal of faith-based marriage encounter programs is to promote and strengthen the holy union, they are
no longer quaint, laid-back affairs where couples sit quietly through a stream of dull and confusing lectures.  Today
it's more like marriage boot camp.  Cronk says the experience taught him how to liberate his thoughts and feelings.
    "I'm not a confronter," he said.  "I fled from conflict.  I would climb into my shell like a frightened turtle.  (My wife)
Carol seemed to overwhelm me with words.  Later on, we learned that women speak about 25,000 words a day and
men speak about 12,000.  Marriage encounter taught us a technique called 'dialogue.'  In this, you write down your
feelings, exchange notes and discuss them."
    "This leveled the playing field for us.  It allowed me to articulate my thoughts and allowed Carol to stay on the
same topic for more than five minutes."
Active Listening
    Marriage Builders counselors, in addition to being facilitators and negotiators, apply techniques such as active
listening.
    "Active listening is where you repeat what you think you heard," Cronk explained.  "That's a real problem in
communication between males and females."
    "We also give them a temperament assessment.  God not only created us male and female, He gave us our own
unique personality type.  Couples have to understand their partner's personality and temperament before any real
progress can be made."
    Married couples don't have to be members of CLC to join the program.  Meeting times and locations are flexible.
Cronk said CLC Senior Pastor Stan Tharp fully endorses the Marriage Builders program because it, among other
things, lightens the pastor's considerable work load.
    "Pastor Tharp is himself a counselor, but he gets overwhelmed.  Sometimes couples would have to wait six or eight
weeks to see him.  By that time, if they were in a crisis, many would go ahead and terminate the marriage.  We respond
within 72 hours," Cronk said.
    Carol Cronk is the director of nursery services at CLC.  She said interacting with couples besides her husband has
had the residual effect of strengthening their marriage. 
    "When we sit with a couple, Dick is an engineer, so he's very fact and ABC-oriented.  I pick up on things he misses.
I try to listen for the heart," she said.  "I watch their faces.  Sometimes there are tears; he might miss that.  I try to look
deeper into the issue behind what they are saying and see what might, perhaps, really be going on."
Communication is Key
    Marriage breakdowns come in all hues, but time and time again it boils down to Stother Martin's memorable
quote from Cool Hand Luke.  "What we have here is failure to communicate."
Carol agrees.  "Almost always, the issues couples are dealing with are the issues we dealt with as new marrieds,"
she said.  "Sometimes it's a trust issue.  Maybe there's been an affair.  Maybe there's a lack of communication because
most of their time is spent taking care of the kids.  They take each other for granted, forgetting that they need to be a
couple."
    "But it always comes down to communication.  They don't have time to talk.  They have gotten out of the habit of
bringing flowers or going to dinner."
    Carol said while their mentors don't proselytize, Marriage Builders Ministry is based in Scripture.
    "We try to be sensitive to those who are at different junctions in their faith," she said.  "We don't have a Bible sitting
out on the table, but we bring in Scripture where it is applicable.  We ask them to look up Scripture on their own so
they can glean from what God is saying to them, rather than rely totally on what we're trying to tell them."