MENTORING FOR MARRIAGES IN OHIO
Group seeks grant money for program to stem high divorce rate
BY JANICE MORSE | ENQUIRER STAFF WRITER
JULY 24, 2006
The Enquirer (Cincinnati Ohio)

Disturbed by divorce rates running sharply higher than average in several
Southwest Ohio counties, a regional group is seeking a five-year, $10
million federal grant to strengthen marriages and reduce divorces.

The group's contention: When people get married and stay married, it's
better for individuals, families and the community.

Two key Republican legislators - U.S. Rep. John Boehner and U.S. Sen. Mike
DeWine - support the Marriage Works proposal from Elizabeth's New Life
Center, a Dayton nonprofit group operating in Butler, Warren, Montgomery,
Miami, Shelby and Greene counties.

Part of the center's proposal focuses on "low-conflict" marriages - those
without abuse, violence or serious fighting. Such cases make up about
two-thirds of divorces, showing "a great need to assist couples through
skills-based education/intervention," the center says.

Divorce rates vary widely. In Greater Cincinnati, Clermont County has the
highest rate - nearly 74 divorces for every 100 marriages.

Warren County has 67 divorces per 100 marriages, according to the Ohio
Department of Health.

That's considerably higher than Ohio's statewide rate: about 56 divorces per
100 marriages.

Hamilton County in Ohio and Boone, Kenton and Campbell counties in Northern
Kentucky all have divorce rates below their states' average. Butler County's
rate slightly exceeds the Ohio average.

Many factors play a role in why those rates vary, says Frank Schiavone, a
Middletown lawyer who has handled more than 3,000 divorces since 1982.

In poor urban areas, some couples cannot afford going through a formal
divorce. In richer suburbs, couples may be fighting more often over money -
and they have the funds to drag disputes into court, Schiavone says.

And in places such as Clermont County, it might also be cheaper and faster
to get a divorce. That might attract cases from other counties. Under Ohio
law, couples can file for divorce in any county they choose, if both sides
agree.

AN ARMY OF MENTORS

The Marriage Works program wants to bring the higher divorce rates down with
a broad range of services. Programs would include relationship education for
high-school students, marriage planning for engaged couples, and mentoring
for troubled married couples.

The program seeks funding from the federal Healthy Marriage Initiative,
which President Bush has been pushing since 2001.

Federal officials won't disclose information on other groups vying along
with Elizabeth's for a share of $375 million in healthy marriage grants,
spread over five years. Up to 135 grants will be awarded Sept. 30.

Elizabeth's proposal calls for training "an army of volunteer mentor
couples," such as Gary and Lidy Johnson of West Chester.

Married 36 years, the Johnsons underwent six weeks of mentor training two
years ago, using materials from people connected to Marriage Works.

"We try to give people the interpersonal skills they need to succeed in
married life; most couples aren't really even equipped for the first fight,"
Gary Johnson says.

Nowadays, many newlyweds think: "We'll try this and if it doesn't work out,
maybe we'll get a divorce," his wife says. "We went into marriage with the
idea that we were going to make it work, no matter what. That gives you a
whole different starting point."

PREVENTIVE MEDICINE

The Johnsons, who provide mentoring through Crestview Presbyterian Church in
West Chester, would like to see the Marriage Works program receive funding
to spread mentor training.

"I think it's like preventive medicine," Gary Johnson says. "If you head off
divorce, you're saving a huge cost to the individual, to the family -
especially the children - and to society. There's a conventional wisdom that
says divorce isn't bad; people who go through it find out that's not the
case."

The Johnsons concede that some people have little choice but to divorce. But
they say many marriages that end in divorce could be saved through better
intervention.

Mentors don't judge; they don't give professional advice. But they do offer
encouragement and real-life examples to help younger couples, the Johnsons
say.

Elizabeth's New Life Center is a Christian-based agency, but the proposed
Marriage Works programs would have "no religious content," says Vivian Koob,
executive director.

Koob's organization is connected to a number of groups - some faith-based,
some not - that have assisted with marriage-strengthening programs.

For example, some of the proposed program would be modeled after work done
by Dick and Carol Cronk, founding members of the Miami Valley Marriage
Coalition.

Now married 35 years, the Cronks, who live north of Dayton, were heading for
divorce after 14 years of marriage.

"I was going through a midlife crisis, and our teenage daughter wasn't the
angel we thought she should be," Dick Cronk says.

With the help of other couples, friends and a marriage encounter program,
the Cronks pulled through. They started mentoring other couples nine years
ago.

>From 1997 through this January, the Cronks:

Mentored 181 engaged couples. Of those, 20 canceled their weddings and 161
married; eight couples have since divorced.

Mentored 199 troubled couples; 38 divorced.

Achieving those kinds of results on a wider scale could help reduce some of
the area's high divorce rates, Koob says.

FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

Schiavone, the Middletown divorce lawyer, says the proposal makes sense.

"The concepts are wonderful. How can you go wrong teaching people as much as
you can possibly lay on them to get them ready for marriage?" he says. "I
would say that any time you can get people to think a bit about why they're
getting married to begin with, that's a good thing."

Schiavone, who is not involved with Marriage Works, sees several types of
disintegrating marriages.

"There are a lot of young people who, after two, three years, see they
didn't realize what they were getting into," he says. "They go, 'Oh my God,
what have I done?' "

Marriages also fall prey to the classic "midlife crisis," where a person
rebels and seeks to reclaim his youth.

But across all age categories and social classes, over and over, Schiavone
says the No. 1 reason couples divorce is "the good, old-fashioned failure to
communicate."

Copyright 2006 The Enquirer